Friendship, Loneliness and Belonging in Autistic People

Written by Dr Chris Edwards and Dr Abbey Love from the
Aspect Research Centre for Autism Practice

Friendship, belonging, and loneliness are deeply interconnected parts of life. For many Autistic people, navigating these experiences can present unique challenges.

While many Autistic people desire meaningful social connections, they often encounter barriers that make it difficult to form and maintain friendships, which can lead to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness occurs when there’s a gap between the social relationships a person wants and the relationships they actually have. It’s not about the number of friends someone has, but rather how they feel about the quality and closeness of their social connections.

Research shows that loneliness is linked to negative mental and physical health outcomes, including increased anxiety, depression, and even higher mortality rates and that Autistic people experience loneliness more intensely and at higher rates than non-autistic people.

Understanding how Autistic people experience friendship, loneliness, and belonging is essential not only for providing meaningful support but also for fostering self-reflection, validation, and a deeper understanding of one’s identity within the broader social context.

Redefining friendships and relationships

It was once generally believed that Autistic people did not want social relationships and preferred to be alone. However, this view has changed. Now, it’s understood that for Autistic people, friendships and a sense of belonging are deeply desired, but may be different from what is typically expected by non-autistic people.

Being alone is not the same as loneliness for Autistic people, and being alone can often be a positive feeling. Loneliness is the negative and persistent feeling of social isolation. Friendships and social relationships are desired, despite the challenges. Many Autistic people find that their friendships are based more on shared activities or common interests, rather than emotional closeness or frequent communication. This can sometimes be misunderstood by non-autistic individuals, who may place more emphasis on socialising and emotional exchange in friendships.

Communication differences, sensory sensitivities, and unfamiliarity with neurotypical social norms are common challenges that can make forming and maintaining friendships difficult for Autistic people. For example, someone may want to make friends but struggle with unspoken social rules or find certain social settings overwhelming due to sensory overload (such as loud noises or bright lights).

“It is not the disinterest in social interactions that separates Autistic people from others or influences their choice to be alone; instead, they have a desire for friendship but are obstructed by the social and environmental challenges they face” (Black et al., 2024).

Many Autistic adults report feeling socially excluded or misunderstood, and this can lead to relational loneliness—where the relationships they have don’t meet their desire for connection. In some cases, Autistic people may have acquaintances or even close family members, yet still feel isolated because these relationships lack mutual understanding or depth. This is further complicated by collective loneliness, which refers to the experience of not feeling like one belongs in broader society. For many Autistic people, the lack of acceptance and understanding from others leads to a profound sense of marginalisation.

The importance of belonging and Autistic identity

Belonging refers to the experience of feeling included, accepted, and supported by others, and is a crucial factor in promoting both physical and mental health. It plays a significant role in reducing loneliness, as feeling connected to those around us fosters resilience and helps individuals navigate difficult times. For Autistic individuals, developing a positive Autistic identity can be an essential aspect of cultivating this sense of belonging. A strong, positive Autistic identity is linked to improved well-being and mental health, but societal discrimination and stigma can make this difficult to achieve.

Research suggests that individuals who develop a positive sense of self-worth through group membership — such as embracing an Autistic identity — report higher levels of belonging and greater overall well-being.

Loneliness is a global public health concern

In recent years, an increasing number of people – including public health experts – have started referring to loneliness as an epidemic because it is affecting many people worldwide in serious ways. People who are lonely are more likely to have chronic disease and loneliness may result in some people being less productive at work, avoiding exercise or developing a social media addiction.

Loneliness in adults is associated with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. One of the most concerning impacts of loneliness is the association with physical health problems, including a higher risk of cardiovascular disease. Addressing loneliness isn’t just about improving mental well-being—it’s also crucial for physical health.

Global policy addressing loneliness has gained increasing attention, with countries such as the UK and Japan leading initiatives to recognise loneliness as a public health concern. These policies often involve integrating loneliness prevention strategies into broader health, social care, and community-building frameworks, aiming to reduce social isolation and improve mental well-being across populations.

Research that focuses solely on Autistic people’s loneliness is still emerging, but it is clear that personal factors including Autistic characteristics, heightened anxiety and depression, negative experiences, learned helplessness, and suicidal ideation are all associated with loneliness for Autistic people.

Other personal factors like sensory avoidance and high rates of camouflaging have also been associated with loneliness. Environmental factors also play a role. Specifically, society’s lack of understanding and acceptance of autism can lead to feelings of social isolation and being excluded.

Barriers to building social connections

For non-autistic people, the primary way to reduce loneliness is to increase connection. For Autistic people, it may not be that simple.

Contrary to outdated stereotypes, many Autistic individuals do want friendships and social connection. However, they often face significant barriers that can increase their risk of loneliness.

Some of the main factors include:

Mental health conditions: Anxiety (specifically social anxiety) and depression are more common among Autistic people and are often associated with feelings of loneliness. The struggle to form connections can create a cycle where loneliness fuels mental health issues, which in turn make it harder to engage socially.

Social exclusion and marginalisation: Many Autistic people report feeling misunderstood or excluded from social groups. This can stem from differences in communication or social behaviour, as well as a lack of understanding and acceptance from others. When people around them don’t make an effort to understand Autistic experiences, Autistic people are more likely to feel isolated.

Camouflaging or masking: Some Autistic people engage in a behaviour known as “camouflaging” or “masking,” where they hide or suppress their Autistic traits in order to fit in socially. While this might help them navigate certain social situations, it can lead to exhaustion and emotional distress. It can also create a sense of loneliness because relationships formed may feel inauthentic, leaving the person feeling that they can’t truly be themselves.

Sensory overload: Sensory sensitivities, such as being overwhelmed by loud sounds, bright lights, or crowded spaces, can make it difficult for Autistic people to participate in social activities that are common in neurotypical friendship circles. This can further limit opportunities for social engagement.

Addressing loneliness and reducing the impact

Despite these challenges, there are several strategies that can help Autistic people build meaningful friendships and reduce feelings of loneliness:

Connecting with like-minded communities: Connection is the primary antidote to loneliness. Many Autistic people find it helpful to connect with people who share similar interests or experiences. Autistic-led groups, interest-based clubs, or online communities can offer spaces where Autistic people feel understood and accepted. This can be an important way to reduce both relational and collective loneliness.

Autistic peer support: Joining Autistic peer support groups can be a great way to find connection and support. In these groups, participants can share their experiences, discuss challenges, and offer emotional support to one another. Autistic peer groups also provide an environment where individuals can be themselves without needing to mask or conform to neurotypical norms.

Setting personal boundaries: For many Autistic people, understanding and respecting their own limits is key to building successful relationships. This might include setting boundaries around how much social interaction they can handle, or ensuring that they have time to recharge after social events. By recognising their own sensory and social needs, Autistic people can engage in friendships in ways that feel comfortable and fulfilling.

A positive Autistic identity: Research has shown that Autistic people who have higher autism solidarity and a positive Autistic identity have better well-being and reduced social anxiety. This can help address barriers to social relationships, allow for increased connection, and decrease feelings of loneliness.

Focus on quality, not quantity: It’s important to remember that the number of friendships is less important than the quality of those relationships. Autistic people often thrive in close, meaningful relationships rather than large social circles. Finding one or two supportive and understanding friends can have a profound impact on reducing loneliness.

Engaging in shared activities: Many Autistic people prefer friendships built around shared activities, such as hobbies or interests. Whether it’s a creative project, a shared love of gaming, or another mutual passion, engaging in activities with others can foster connection and make social interactions more comfortable.

Being your authentic self: Autistic people benefit from safe spaces where they can truly be themselves, which can help reduce loneliness, increase belonging, and foster meaningful friendships. Research highlights that masking or camouflaging can negatively impact well-being and contribute to feelings of loneliness, making authentic, accepting environments crucial for positive social experiences.