More Than Meets the Eye: Understanding Autistic Differences in Eye Contact

Eye contact is a form of non-verbal communication that holds cultural significance worldwide.

In many western societies, eye contact is encouraged as a sign of attentiveness and respect. However, for many in the Autistic community, it may feel anything but natural or comfortable, and is often marked by discomfort or overstimulation rather than ease.

How Autistic Individuals May Experience Eye Contact

For Autistic individuals, eye contact is often not instinctive. In social interactions, it can contribute to our sensory overwhelm, adding to what is already a heightened sensory landscape. One reason for this is the increased cortical excitability of the Autistic brain, which leads to a heightened cognitive load when processing sensory input. This means that seemingly simple acts — like maintaining eye contact — can become intense and overstimulating.

For us, looking someone directly in the eyes may feel uncomfortable, even threatening, rather than supportive or engaging.

Some Autistic individuals, experience environments as inherently unsafe due to our sensory sensitivities. When talking to someone while feeling unsafe, our instinct can be to subconsciously keep an eye on our peripheral surroundings, rather than focusing directly on the other person. It allows us to listen while remaining vigilant of our surroundings in a way that feels safer.

Interestingly, many Autistic people find that eye contact is much easier to maintain in familiar, safe spaces, such as at home or with loved ones.

In these environments, where overstimulation is less likely and the need for social masking is lower due to feelings of acceptance, making eye contact feels safer. But outside these familiar spaces, eye contact can once again become challenging and physically draining.

Cognitive Load and “Too Much” Eye Contact

Other Autistic individuals have reported being accused of making “too much” eye contact. In social situations – faced with the pressures of neuronormative expectations – it can be easier to lock eye contact and ‘set and forget’ in order to free up some cognitive bandwidth to listen to what is being said. This strategy helps conserve cognitive energy for other aspects of conversation, like information processing and formulating responses.

Both avoiding eye contact and maintaining intense eye contact are valid ways for Autistic individuals to navigate social interactions that feel cognitively demanding.

Interestingly, recent research shows it is only non-autistic individuals – and not Autistic individuals – who experience distress when engaging with someone who is averting their gaze. This supports the idea that eye contact differences in Autistic individuals is simply a relational difference, instead of a “deficit”.

Cultural Perspectives on Eye Contact

Just as Autistic people experience eye contact differently, there are cultural variations in the interpretation of eye contact. For example:

• Western cultures, particularly in the United States and Europe, often emphasise direct eye contact as a marker of attentiveness, honesty, and respect. A lack of eye contact may be perceived as evasiveness or disinterest.
• East Asian cultures, including Japan and Korea, tend to be more comfortable with limited eye contact in social situations. Here, prolonged eye contact can be viewed as aggressive or disrespectful, especially in hierarchical settings like student-teacher or employee-employer relationships.
• In Indigenous Australian cultures, direct eye contact may be seen as a sign of disrespect or confrontation. For some Indigenous communities, particularly in remote areas, avoiding eye contact can convey respect and humility, especially when interacting with elders or authority figures.
• Middle Eastern cultures can vary in their norms, with eye contact being context-dependent. In certain regions, it is customary to avoid direct eye contact with people of the opposite gender, while prolonged eye contact within the same gender may be seen as friendly or attentive.

These cultural perspectives highlight that eye contact is not a universal social cue, but rather a culturally shaped form of non-verbal communication.

Common Autistic Coping Mechanisms for Eye Contact

Many Autistic individuals adopt techniques to cope with the discomfort of eye contact in social situations:

• Simulated eye contact: Some choose to look near the person’s eyes but not directly at them, such as gazing at the bridge of the nose, at the person’s forehead or mouth or slightly past the shoulder. This helps us meet social expectations without feeling overwhelmed.
• Casual avoidance: Others may shift their gaze intermittently, making brief eye contact to acknowledge the person, but focusing elsewhere to process the conversation better.
• Minimising intensity: By wearing sunglasses indoors, choosing environments with dim lighting and engaging in parallel play, some Autistic individuals create a sensory buffer that eases the intensity of eye contact.

How You Can Help Accommodate Autistic Eye Contact Differences

Instead of expecting Autistic people to adhere to socionormative eye contact norms, we can normalise alternative forms of engagement, such as:

• Accepting people are listening while looking away;
• Facilitating conversations with Autistic individuals to happen in parallel, such as in the car, or sitting in a space facing outwards such as a bench, sofa or swingset;
• Embracing social activities that minimise eye contact, such as gaming, bowling, going to the cinema and playing board games;
• Never making eye contact a therapy goal;
• Not penalising students for poor eye contact in presentations;
• Doing away with ‘whole body listening’ in schools which promote inauthentic ways of being for Autistic students;
• Making it acceptable netiquette to have cameras off during online meetings;
• Asking your Autistic friend or family member how you can better accommodate their eye contact differences.

Respecting Differences in Eye Contact

For many Autistic individuals, eye contact isn’t simply a matter of showing an interest and respect — it is about sensory processing, emotional regulation, language processing, and personal safety. Recognising and respecting these differences can foster better understanding and inclusivity.

And by making simple accommodations, we acknowledge that eye contact is neither universal nor necessary for meaningful communication, and we build empathy and respect across all cultures and neurotypes.

Further reading