Our Top 5 Tips for Creating a Neuro-affirming Family Celebration

A family celebration around a table, laden with food.

Written by Emma Marsh

The holiday season can be a time of joy and connection — but for many Autistic people, it can also bring stress, overwhelm, and change that feels anything but festive. At Reframing Autism, we believe the holidays should be celebrated in ways that honour Autistic needs, preferences, and strengths. So here are our top five tips to help your family create meaningful, inclusive, and genuinely joyful holiday traditions.

1. Make new traditions

Too much ‘peopling’, surprises, unusual foods, pressure to perform, and changes to routines can cause a lot of stress for Autistic individuals. There’s little point in traditions for traditions’ sake – they should be fun for everyone.

Why not make new traditions and brainstorm together some innovative traditions that everyone can enjoy? Use our list of suggestions as a starting point to arrive at some that are right for your family.

2. Make traditions equitable

What works for one Autistic person, may not work for another. So, establish equitable holiday traditions. This means that each family member celebrates in the way that works for them, rather than everyone celebrating in the same way.

For example, a family member who is overwhelmed by opening gifts could be invited to distribute presents to others, but be given the opportunity to open their presents in private, at their own pace.

3. Establish and respect boundaries

During holidays, we often see more of our family and friends. Let people know what they can do to ensure that your Autistic family member’s socialising is successful and happy. That might mean:

not requiring hugs and kisses
reserving a room for your Autistic family member to decompress
letting your Autistic loved one open their presents in private
communicating ‘thank you’ without words or physical contact.

4. Ask ‘What do you need?’

Ask your loved one what they need to make the holidays a happy time for them. If they’re not able to tell you, reflect on what has happened in previous years. If food has overwhelmed them, include their favourite comfort foods. If it is the intensity of socialising, plan plenty of downtime and limit social outings. Sometimes the stress is that you are distracted, so planning time you can dedicate to your child might put their mind at ease.

5. Practise patience: it’s not personal

It may be self-evident, but your Autistic family member desperately wants to enjoy the holidays. If they are overwhelmed, or go into shutdown, or meltdown, believe us when we say that that is more distressing for them, than for you. Overwhelm is not personal. What your Autistic family member needs most during the holidays is your patience, your empathy, your comfort, and your reassurance.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.

The Reframing Autism team would like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the lands on which we have the privilege to learn, work, and grow. Whilst we gather on many different parts of this Country, the RA team walk on the land of the Awabakal, Birpai, Whadjak, and Wiradjuri peoples.

We are committed to honouring the rich culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples of this Country, and the diversity and learning opportunities with which they provide us. We extend our gratitude and respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and to all Elders past and present, for their wisdom, their resilience, and for helping this Country to heal.